Monday, 12 July 2010

The Real Man Project

I've been hearing a lot about “Real Men” recently.

“I want a Real Man” and “Where have all the Real Men gone?” are phrases that most women seem to have said at some point. Women seem to know exactly what this means, even though they often have trouble articulating clearly exactly what the image is that is evoked in them by these two words...

Most men on the other hand don't have any clear idea what women mean when they say these things! The words “Real Man” mean as much to most men as the offside rule in soccer means to most women!

I have put a bit of thought into figuring out what women are getting at when they say these words, and here is my list of what a “Real Man” is...

What makes a Real Man is split up into two sections. The inside stuff and the outside stuff. First the inside...

A Real Man is calm, collected and confident. He is comfortable in his own skin, whether he is spending time alone, hanging with his friends, or meeting new people. In fact there isn't a situation that you can put him in that will make him uncomfortable. This isn't to say that he doesn't get nervous or scared, but he doesn't let the fear effect him, and acts in the face of it.

A Real Man is a leader. He is decisive. When it is time to make a decision, or take charge, he is willing to step up to the plate and do what needs to be done. He doesn't worry about making the wrong choice, or agonise for hours over which of two choices he prefers, when the time comes, he makes a choice and sticks with it. And if it turns out to have been the wrong choice he holds up his hands, takes responsibility and sets about making things right.

A Real Man has high self esteem. He respects himself and others. He is confident without being arrogant, and rightly so, because he knows that whatever situation is thrown at him he will handle it as best as he can, and even if he doesn't handle it perfectly he knows that he will have learned a lesson and the next time he handles the same situation he will handle it even better.

A Real Man takes action. If he sees something that needs doing he does it. If someone needs help and he has time and energy to give he will help them. He knows that the only true path to learning is through doing and doesn't sit around gathering knowledge and trying to be perfect before he tries to do anything.

A Real Man is motivated. He has a mission in life. He knows what he wants, where he is going and what to do to achieve these goals. He sets up smaller goals along the way, and congratulates himself every time he achieves one of these smaller goals on the way to the greater goal.

A Real Man is positive. He knows that people create their own reality and so he makes his reality a positive one to live in. He doesn't bring himself down with negative self talk. He may sometimes have days, when life throws him a curve ball, when he isn't on top of the world but when this happens he doesn't wallow in his self pity and he doesn't cling to his grief. He allows himself to feel it, allows it to wash through him, and then allows himself to get on with his life.

A Real Man is always learning. He recognises that life is a lesson for us, that all experiences, good and bad, are learning lessons. He knows that he is always changing, and strives to make the change a positive one all the time.

On the outside...

A Real Man has strong body language and posture. He carries himself all the time as if he has just won a gold medal in the Olympics and his national anthem is playing. He has a steady gaze, and is confidently expressive.

A Real Man speaks clearly and confidently. His voice carries as far as is needed without him having to shout. It is clear from his voice that he is in control. His voice comes from deep in his body and is rich and expressive.

A Real Man is well dressed and well groomed. He recognises that his personal appearance is the first impression that he gives to the world, and knows that this is very important. This doesn't mean that he is necessarily the height of fashion, but he pays attention to his clothes and takes care of them. Similarly he takes care of himself. His personal hygiene is impeccable and he makes sure that his nails are tidy and his hair is well styled.

Finally, a Real Man has a good balance in his life between work and leisure. He fills his life with activities and would never be content to live a life of routine. He may watch TV from time to time, but he chooses what he watches, and when the thing that he wants to watch is over, he will turn off the TV and do something else...

These are just a few of my thoughts of what constitutes a real man. I'd be very interested in your feedback. What have I missed? What have I gotten right or wrong? If you know me, how could I live up to this ideal better?

My mission in life is to move closer and closer to the ideal above, and maybe even to help others to get to this place, all with the intention of making the world a better place.

8 comments:

Kathryn said...

I think you've got it pretty spot on there.

namrin said...

Well written!

Does a real man need to be kind and generous? Or that has already been included in a man in action section. I'm not sure. It might be different.

If I want to be a real girl, do I have to do the same thing? LOL Just curious!

Anyway, I don't know if I want you to be a real man. I'm afraid I will never stop wanting you hahahaha :P

namrin said...

A real man should be honest and has integrity. I think there is no point to be with a man whom you can't trust not only in a romantic relationship but also in a friendship or an employment, etc.

The voice sounds quite less important point but you're probably right! lol

Significant Bloke said...

I think you're almost spot on there. I only disagree with being a leader. Sometimes a Real man allows himself to be led. In my opinion, you're being authentic if it's an active choice and done for for a valid reason and not just for an easy life.

Missy J said...

I like the post. Kudos!

I think with the leader comment, he just means a man that can make sound decisions when needed and be accountable for it whether it be right or wrong.

I think I fit in the real man description (which explains cos I'm a man haha) :P

P.S. You can probably groom and dress yourself better T :P

Sara said...

Spot on! In fact, these are precisely what I look for in my bloke. My previous partners have missed 2 or 3 points named above, which usually dings my bell to move on.

Haha.. it's nice to know another guy is catching on to this! One step closer to understanding the female psyche =)

tbone said...

You're right Nam, honesty and integrity are very important to being a real man, and I will add them onto the list at some point. Kind and generous is a bit more of a tricky one... After all, as I've said before, sometimes a real man will be unkind in the short term, in order to do the right thing in the long run...

Jan was right about the leadership thing SB, after all, it isn't only the person who is at the top that can be a real man. I guess the important thing about being a leader is to lead yourself through life...

Everyone else, thanks for your comments. :)

Anonymous said...

I agree with your outline, but have to add that I find honesty a key issue. I cant bear to be ignored, it would sit so much better if a man could say, hey really I am not that into you. The waiting and the guessing are a waste of my time and they hurt, if only men were brave enough to say, thanks but I am just not into you, upfront. It may seems harsh but its quick!